What I Want From This Endeavor

My mind goes a hundred miles a minute.  Thoughts are constantly tumbling over one another.  Because of the chaos inside my head, I rarely get anything done.  I may start a project, but then I don't finish it because my mind goes in another direction.  I really enjoy writing, because I am able to get my thoughts out on paper and it seems to free up some space.  It also helps me finish what I start because I have something to refer back to and keep me accountable.  When I started this blog I thought it would be a great way to organize my thoughts while encouraging myself in my walk with the Lord, my motherhood journey, being the best wife I could be and also to keep me accountable to my homeschooling and my homemaking duties.  This blog was FOR me and BY me.  However, something changed.  I felt like I needed to create a blog that looked like and sounded like all the others.  I falsely assumed that if I didn't blog x times a week about a specific topic, in a specific way that I failed in this project.  It ended up being all about numbers - how many people viewed my page, how many followers I had, etc.  It became so overwhelming that I burned out after barely starting.  So I stopped, vowing to never do it again.

But something has changed.  My mind is in chaos and I miss writing.  Real, from my heart writing.  Not for the benefit of anyone else, but for me.  For the peace it brings me.  For the joy I feel.  For the order it brings my life.  I started a different blog 6 years ago that was private just for friends and family to keep up with what was going on in our lives at the time.  I read through it last night and I felt so much peace.  It reminded me what blogging did for me and my life.  When I didn't care what I was writing and how many people read it.  The raw emotions, and the truth that I shared on that private blog mean more to me than I thought they ever would.  I get a glimpse back on who I was and where I was at the time.  The things and people that were important to me were laid bare.  It was so refreshing!

So, I am going to try to get back to this blog.  To come and write about anything and everything whenever I want - for my benefit.  And if someone else gets encouragement from it, then great! I pray that God blesses this endeavor and that He can use this space to break me and make me into the homemaking, teacher, mother, wife and friend that He wants me to be.