My mind goes a hundred miles a minute. Thoughts are constantly
tumbling over one another. Because of the chaos inside my head, I
rarely get anything done. I may start a project, but then I don't
finish it because my mind goes in another direction. I really enjoy
writing, because I am able to get my thoughts out on paper and it seems
to free up some space. It also helps me finish what I start because I
have something to refer back to and keep me accountable. When I started
this blog I thought it would be a great way to organize my thoughts
while encouraging myself in my walk with the Lord, my motherhood
journey, being the best wife I could be and also to keep me accountable
to my homeschooling and my homemaking duties. This blog was FOR me and BY me. However, something changed. I felt like I needed to create a
blog that looked like and sounded like all the others. I falsely
assumed that if I didn't blog x times a week about a specific topic, in a
specific way that I failed in this project. It ended up being all
about numbers - how many people viewed my page, how many followers I
had, etc. It became so overwhelming that I burned out after barely
starting. So I stopped, vowing to never do it again.
But
something has changed. My mind is in chaos and I miss writing. Real,
from my heart writing. Not for the benefit of anyone else, but for me.
For the peace it brings me. For the joy I feel. For the order it
brings my life. I started a different blog 6 years ago that was private
just for friends and family to keep up with what was going on in our
lives at the time. I read through it last night and I felt so much
peace. It reminded me what blogging did for me and my life. When I
didn't care what I was writing and how many people read it. The raw
emotions, and the truth that I shared on that private blog mean more to
me than I thought they ever would. I get a glimpse back on who I was
and where I was at the time. The things and people that were important
to me were laid bare. It was so refreshing!
So, I am
going to try to get back to this blog. To come and write about anything
and everything whenever I want - for my benefit. And if someone else
gets encouragement from it, then great! I pray that God blesses this
endeavor and that He can use this space to break me and make me into the
homemaking, teacher, mother, wife and friend that He wants me to be.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Howdy!
God is so good! Truly He is! He has abundant Peace that is available to everyone! I am in awe of His goodness and His mercy that He shows us day after day. And so thankful that He loves me, even though I don't deserve it!
Things are changing around the old homestead and I am hoping to be able to make some time to start blogging again....definitely not on a regular schedule but hopefully I will be able to stay current! :-)
Anyway, I just wanted to drop in tonight to remind myself and anyone else that needs to hear it that Jesus loves you and He died for you and He wants a relationship with you. Just enter into His Presence and the weight of the world no longer feels too heavy! I promise!
Things are changing around the old homestead and I am hoping to be able to make some time to start blogging again....definitely not on a regular schedule but hopefully I will be able to stay current! :-)
Anyway, I just wanted to drop in tonight to remind myself and anyone else that needs to hear it that Jesus loves you and He died for you and He wants a relationship with you. Just enter into His Presence and the weight of the world no longer feels too heavy! I promise!
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Trusting God's Sovereignty Yet Still Feeling the Sting....
It's been almost a year since my last entry...but I'm not offering excuses or pleasantries....I'm here to spill out my raw emotions...
It took 1.5 years to conceive my son. We experienced a pregnancy that I couldn't even imagine was possible. It was horrible...yet I loved every minute of it. We had a beautiful birth. We have an amazing blessing who just happened to turn 7 a few weeks ago. He is such a joy to our lives. I can't imagine life without him, yet I feel a deep emptiness and longing. It's been almost 6 full years of trying and trusting for another blessing. I have heard that I should be happy and at peace that I at least have him.... I shouldn't take him for granted...this economy isn't a place to raise anymore children....I am selfish for wanting more children in these uncertain times...I am selfish for wanting more because some women don't have any....and on it goes. The endless tirades about how I should feel....well here's a news flash....I don't.
This is how I feel...
I feel lonely. This road of infertility is lonely. I know that others are suffering the same way that I am, but it doesn't change the fact that I feel alone. The topic of infertility makes people uncomfortable...especially for the ones who become pregnant without trying. It's taboo....it's a topic that is avoided. Why?? I think that for the most part people just don't know what to say to someone who is struggling. But the very worst thing that you could do is avoid the topic. Don't make me feel that my pain isn't real or worthy of comfort.
I feel unblessable. I made up that word, but it is how I feel. Sometimes, when I least expect it, I am hit with feelings of utter despair. I feel like I must have done something to deserve this. Am I a bad mother? What am I being punished for? What can I do to find favor in the Lord's eyes?
I feel jealous. I am the one who hears the good news, and congratulates the newly pregnant mommy with the biggest, goofiest grin I can muster, coupled with a way too high pitched voice, trembling hands and darting eyes, looking for the nearest exit, so that I can hide and spill out my grief and jealousy through my tears. I don't want to feel jealous...but I am human. I want to be truly excited for you...but it just rubs my pain raw.
I feel angry. Why are women blessed with babies and can't see it. It makes me so angry when I hear women complain that they are once again pregnant, and don't want to be. It makes me angry that some women turn up pregnant every time they look at their husband. It makes me angry that teenagers get pregnant. It makes me angry that babies are conceived and aborted...they are not disposable!!! It makes me angry that babies are conceived, carried to term, and then are murdered at the hands of the people who should have protected them!
I feel confusion. Why am I plagued with the longing of a big family...when it just doesn't seem like that's what the Lord has for me. I just wish that He would take these feelings away from me.
I feel empty and broken. I am a woman...why does my body not work like it was designed? I feel defective. I feel unwomanly.
I feel like a huge letdown. I know that my husband doesn't feel like this, but sometimes I think that he MUST be disappointed in me. I should be able to do more for him. I should be able to give him more children.
I feel ignored. Sometimes it seems that this road I am on is ignored. Please don't ignore me. Please don't make me feel over emotional. Sometimes I need my emotions to be validated by those closest to me. I need to feel held up and supported by others when I can't seem to stand on my own.
I feel looked down on.
I feel tired.
I feel embarrassed.
I feel guilty.
I feel ugly.
I feel unlovable.
I feel burdened.
I feel weak.
I feel overly educated. I really don't need anybody else telling me how and when and how often we should be baby dancing. I don't need you to tell me what we MUST be doing wrong. Don't tell me your special secrets to becoming pregnant. Don't tell me that I need to see a doctor. Trust me....I have tried it all! You are not telling me anything new.
I feel mean. See the above comment. :-)
I feel worn out.
I feel hollow.
But through it all...I KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT I KNOW that I am Loved by an Almighty God. I know that when I am feeling all of these human emotions I can take it to the foot of the cross, lay it down and worship His holy name! I know that when others fail me or I fail myself, that HE never does. The Creator of the World, loves me more than I can ever know and He has a plan for my life...much bigger than I can ever imagine. He cares for me, He holds me up in my darkest hour. I completely trust His Sovereignty...even though I have to muddle through these overly human emotions....
It took 1.5 years to conceive my son. We experienced a pregnancy that I couldn't even imagine was possible. It was horrible...yet I loved every minute of it. We had a beautiful birth. We have an amazing blessing who just happened to turn 7 a few weeks ago. He is such a joy to our lives. I can't imagine life without him, yet I feel a deep emptiness and longing. It's been almost 6 full years of trying and trusting for another blessing. I have heard that I should be happy and at peace that I at least have him.... I shouldn't take him for granted...this economy isn't a place to raise anymore children....I am selfish for wanting more children in these uncertain times...I am selfish for wanting more because some women don't have any....and on it goes. The endless tirades about how I should feel....well here's a news flash....I don't.
This is how I feel...
I feel lonely. This road of infertility is lonely. I know that others are suffering the same way that I am, but it doesn't change the fact that I feel alone. The topic of infertility makes people uncomfortable...especially for the ones who become pregnant without trying. It's taboo....it's a topic that is avoided. Why?? I think that for the most part people just don't know what to say to someone who is struggling. But the very worst thing that you could do is avoid the topic. Don't make me feel that my pain isn't real or worthy of comfort.
I feel unblessable. I made up that word, but it is how I feel. Sometimes, when I least expect it, I am hit with feelings of utter despair. I feel like I must have done something to deserve this. Am I a bad mother? What am I being punished for? What can I do to find favor in the Lord's eyes?
I feel jealous. I am the one who hears the good news, and congratulates the newly pregnant mommy with the biggest, goofiest grin I can muster, coupled with a way too high pitched voice, trembling hands and darting eyes, looking for the nearest exit, so that I can hide and spill out my grief and jealousy through my tears. I don't want to feel jealous...but I am human. I want to be truly excited for you...but it just rubs my pain raw.
I feel angry. Why are women blessed with babies and can't see it. It makes me so angry when I hear women complain that they are once again pregnant, and don't want to be. It makes me angry that some women turn up pregnant every time they look at their husband. It makes me angry that teenagers get pregnant. It makes me angry that babies are conceived and aborted...they are not disposable!!! It makes me angry that babies are conceived, carried to term, and then are murdered at the hands of the people who should have protected them!
I feel confusion. Why am I plagued with the longing of a big family...when it just doesn't seem like that's what the Lord has for me. I just wish that He would take these feelings away from me.
I feel empty and broken. I am a woman...why does my body not work like it was designed? I feel defective. I feel unwomanly.
I feel like a huge letdown. I know that my husband doesn't feel like this, but sometimes I think that he MUST be disappointed in me. I should be able to do more for him. I should be able to give him more children.
I feel ignored. Sometimes it seems that this road I am on is ignored. Please don't ignore me. Please don't make me feel over emotional. Sometimes I need my emotions to be validated by those closest to me. I need to feel held up and supported by others when I can't seem to stand on my own.
I feel looked down on.
I feel tired.
I feel embarrassed.
I feel guilty.
I feel ugly.
I feel unlovable.
I feel burdened.
I feel weak.
I feel overly educated. I really don't need anybody else telling me how and when and how often we should be baby dancing. I don't need you to tell me what we MUST be doing wrong. Don't tell me your special secrets to becoming pregnant. Don't tell me that I need to see a doctor. Trust me....I have tried it all! You are not telling me anything new.
I feel mean. See the above comment. :-)
I feel worn out.
I feel hollow.
But through it all...I KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT I KNOW that I am Loved by an Almighty God. I know that when I am feeling all of these human emotions I can take it to the foot of the cross, lay it down and worship His holy name! I know that when others fail me or I fail myself, that HE never does. The Creator of the World, loves me more than I can ever know and He has a plan for my life...much bigger than I can ever imagine. He cares for me, He holds me up in my darkest hour. I completely trust His Sovereignty...even though I have to muddle through these overly human emotions....
Saturday, January 7, 2012
I'm saying no to Resolutions...
Well it's 7 days into the new year and I haven't made any resolutions...and I'm not going to! When I make resolutions I fail pretty early in the year and then I feel badly! So no more! Instead I have decided to break it down into monthly goals. If I make a goal and give myself one month to complete it or at least make a habit out of it, I am more likely to succeed. And that makes Momma happy! :-)
I will post what my goal is at the beginning of every month and also I will try to update on my progress. I am hoping that this method will keep me accountable and by the end of 2012 I have 12 projects completed or habits learned! Please pray for me in this endeavor and if you want to join me, please do! Let me know because I would love to encourage you along the way and I certainly could use the encouragement!
My goal for January is going to be a smaller project due to a trip we are taking at the end of January, which I'll tell you about in another post. Because we own our business and I am the Business Manager we have paperwork filed everywhere! With tax season upon us I feel like I really need to get better organized. At the end of December I already started that project and it is moving along nicely. However, I am also the Business Manager of my home, like many of you. We all know how much paperwork needs to be filed away, shredded, purged, organized, etc! Ladies, it is time! January is the month that my personal filing cabinet will be getting her overhaul! I will need several...several days for this undertaking. Purging is the big step that I need to overcome! I am fairly organized when it comes to filing but I keep EVERYTHING for a really long time! The problem I have is that I that I hate to waste time at my paper shredder and I refuse to throw anything in the trash that has ANY personal information on it. We were under a burn ban for months and months so I couldn't even burn...so I have way, WAY to much stuff to be disposed of properly. Not to mention a GIGANTIC stack of junk mail that needs to be shredded.
So this January my goal is to get my filing cabinet under control and also make a habit of shredding when necessary. By the end of January I hope to not have ANY stacks of papers anywhere and for my filing cabinet to shut properly! :-)
Let me know what you think and if you have any goals this month! If you have a minute please send up a prayer that God will help me along the way! Thanks in advance! Blessings to you this beautiful Saturday afternoon!
I will post what my goal is at the beginning of every month and also I will try to update on my progress. I am hoping that this method will keep me accountable and by the end of 2012 I have 12 projects completed or habits learned! Please pray for me in this endeavor and if you want to join me, please do! Let me know because I would love to encourage you along the way and I certainly could use the encouragement!
My goal for January is going to be a smaller project due to a trip we are taking at the end of January, which I'll tell you about in another post. Because we own our business and I am the Business Manager we have paperwork filed everywhere! With tax season upon us I feel like I really need to get better organized. At the end of December I already started that project and it is moving along nicely. However, I am also the Business Manager of my home, like many of you. We all know how much paperwork needs to be filed away, shredded, purged, organized, etc! Ladies, it is time! January is the month that my personal filing cabinet will be getting her overhaul! I will need several...several days for this undertaking. Purging is the big step that I need to overcome! I am fairly organized when it comes to filing but I keep EVERYTHING for a really long time! The problem I have is that I that I hate to waste time at my paper shredder and I refuse to throw anything in the trash that has ANY personal information on it. We were under a burn ban for months and months so I couldn't even burn...so I have way, WAY to much stuff to be disposed of properly. Not to mention a GIGANTIC stack of junk mail that needs to be shredded.
So this January my goal is to get my filing cabinet under control and also make a habit of shredding when necessary. By the end of January I hope to not have ANY stacks of papers anywhere and for my filing cabinet to shut properly! :-)
Let me know what you think and if you have any goals this month! If you have a minute please send up a prayer that God will help me along the way! Thanks in advance! Blessings to you this beautiful Saturday afternoon!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Intentionally Living in 2012
I am a homemaker. I love being a homemaker. I typically find so much joy in serving my family. However, the last few months I have felt so absent. My family has gone through some yuck, but we have made it through to the other side and it's time that I pull up my boot straps and keep on trucking.
The last few months my house got cleaned when it was dirty, picked up when it was messy, meals made when there were hungry bellies (usually), school was accomplished - albeit half heartedly, and my prayers to my Heavenly Father were seriously lacking in heart and soul! I trudged through the day, sun up to sun down, fell into bed at night, complained to God that nothing I did really mattered to anyone, slept restlessly and got up early in the morning and did it all over again. I was just existing and allowing my days to fly by, just to get to the next day. I missed so much! I missed playing and reading to Arrow - for fun. I missed laughing with the Mister and cuddling on the couch. I missed looking out over all I accomplished in the day and feeling joy. But most importantly I missed having a close relationship with my Creator God! My only goal was to get though the day. This has been an exhausting way to live!
I want to head into this new year with a new outlook. I want to remember WHY I stay at home, WHY I homeschool and WHY taking care of my husband and son are not drudgery that keeps me in bondage but why its total freedom! I want to fall into bed at night, exhausted but joyful, thank God for the family He has blessed me with, remember Who I am truly doing this for and enjoy a blessed sleep that God promises.
In this new year, with God's help I am going to INTENTIONALLY make my home a haven for my family, INTENTIONALLY teach my son, not only academically but Biblically, INTENTIONALLY feed my family wholesome nutritious meals, INTENTIONALLY love my husband so he finds joy in coming home and INTENTIONALLY grow closer to the ONE who makes my life possible!
So hears to a fresh start and a fresh out look on Homemaking! I pray that you will join me and find some encouragement in my imperfect but from-the-heart ramblings!
The last few months my house got cleaned when it was dirty, picked up when it was messy, meals made when there were hungry bellies (usually), school was accomplished - albeit half heartedly, and my prayers to my Heavenly Father were seriously lacking in heart and soul! I trudged through the day, sun up to sun down, fell into bed at night, complained to God that nothing I did really mattered to anyone, slept restlessly and got up early in the morning and did it all over again. I was just existing and allowing my days to fly by, just to get to the next day. I missed so much! I missed playing and reading to Arrow - for fun. I missed laughing with the Mister and cuddling on the couch. I missed looking out over all I accomplished in the day and feeling joy. But most importantly I missed having a close relationship with my Creator God! My only goal was to get though the day. This has been an exhausting way to live!
I want to head into this new year with a new outlook. I want to remember WHY I stay at home, WHY I homeschool and WHY taking care of my husband and son are not drudgery that keeps me in bondage but why its total freedom! I want to fall into bed at night, exhausted but joyful, thank God for the family He has blessed me with, remember Who I am truly doing this for and enjoy a blessed sleep that God promises.
In this new year, with God's help I am going to INTENTIONALLY make my home a haven for my family, INTENTIONALLY teach my son, not only academically but Biblically, INTENTIONALLY feed my family wholesome nutritious meals, INTENTIONALLY love my husband so he finds joy in coming home and INTENTIONALLY grow closer to the ONE who makes my life possible!
So hears to a fresh start and a fresh out look on Homemaking! I pray that you will join me and find some encouragement in my imperfect but from-the-heart ramblings!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year everyone! I pray blessings over you and your households for 2012! May you grow closer to the One who has given us with another year. May everything that your hands find to do, be done unto the Lord!
Blessings...
Blessings...
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Hello There!
Hello everyone! I am back from a much needed blogging break. We had some family stuff that needed to be taken care of, not to mention dealing with the daily grind and I really needed to focus on my family. Things are starting to work out and I think that I may have a little time to work online. No guarantees though ;-)
So much has happened in the last few months. One of my very favorite things that happened was our trip up north. We spent a few days in Branson Missouri and then headed back home to celebrate my baby boys 6th birthday, Thanksgiving and an early Christmas with our families. In Branson we took our son on a train ride. It was the "Polar Express." The train company really made the ride special and it truly felt like a ride on the Polar Express would probably feel like. My son had a great time!
Then we celebrated my sons birthday! I still can't believe that he is six years old. Oh how the time flies. I love to watch him grow and learn and discover, yet it breaks my heart a little each time that he can "do it himself" or when he chooses to play with Daddy. Yes my baby is growing up. Sad day :-*( Anyway, we had a ton of fun celebrating his birthday with a Pirate themed party. I made his cake ~ yes, I am proud!
And we celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas while we were there! My mother in law bought me a KitchenAid Professional 600. It is amazing! I purchased the grain mill attachment for it and we have been enjoying yummy treats made with fresh milled wheat! Seriously amazing.
The whole trip was amazing and we are blessed that we were able to make the time to go. I miss my family with my whole heart and it's great to spend time with them!
We are now preparing our home and hearts for the celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. This will be the first time in the last 4 years that we will stay home in the south. I am excited for the time to relax, to love and to celebrate with my guys and make memories that we will savor forever. Do you have any ideas for how we can celebrate His birth? What do you and your family do?
So for now, I am glad to be back and in the next few weeks I will be coming up with ideas for new posts so stay tuned! Have a very blessed holiday season!
So much has happened in the last few months. One of my very favorite things that happened was our trip up north. We spent a few days in Branson Missouri and then headed back home to celebrate my baby boys 6th birthday, Thanksgiving and an early Christmas with our families. In Branson we took our son on a train ride. It was the "Polar Express." The train company really made the ride special and it truly felt like a ride on the Polar Express would probably feel like. My son had a great time!
Then we celebrated my sons birthday! I still can't believe that he is six years old. Oh how the time flies. I love to watch him grow and learn and discover, yet it breaks my heart a little each time that he can "do it himself" or when he chooses to play with Daddy. Yes my baby is growing up. Sad day :-*( Anyway, we had a ton of fun celebrating his birthday with a Pirate themed party. I made his cake ~ yes, I am proud!
And we celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas while we were there! My mother in law bought me a KitchenAid Professional 600. It is amazing! I purchased the grain mill attachment for it and we have been enjoying yummy treats made with fresh milled wheat! Seriously amazing.
The whole trip was amazing and we are blessed that we were able to make the time to go. I miss my family with my whole heart and it's great to spend time with them!
We are now preparing our home and hearts for the celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. This will be the first time in the last 4 years that we will stay home in the south. I am excited for the time to relax, to love and to celebrate with my guys and make memories that we will savor forever. Do you have any ideas for how we can celebrate His birth? What do you and your family do?
So for now, I am glad to be back and in the next few weeks I will be coming up with ideas for new posts so stay tuned! Have a very blessed holiday season!
Saturday, October 15, 2011
An Answered Prayer
6 I call on you, my God, for you will answer me;
turn your ear to me and hear my prayer.
7 Show me the wonders of your great love,
you who save by your right hand
those who take refuge in you from their foes.
turn your ear to me and hear my prayer.
7 Show me the wonders of your great love,
you who save by your right hand
those who take refuge in you from their foes.
Psalm 17:6-7
It is so easy to fall into rote prayers most of the time. Thank you God for this day, be with us, keep us safe, forgive us...you know, things like that. And then there are prayers that are massive...God lift this terrible burden, save his/my life, heal this broken body, etc. But because there is so much suffering and ugliness in the world, I have hard time praying for "trivial" things. My heart knows that God hears my prayers, no matter the size, but my brain tells me that He's too busy and that it's silly to pray for such minuscule things. But I know deep in my being that that is just a lie from the evil one. And I have a story to prove that!
We have lived in this current home for close to three years and in that time our aerobic septic system has not worked properly. If you don't know how they work, here's the gist ~ at night the liquid that has been "purified" sprays out into the yard. I know...gross, right?! It's supposed to be clear and clean...
Anyway, ours has a terrible smell. When we bought the house 1.5 years ago the subdivision put a 1 year warranty on it and assured us that they would do everything they could to get it fixed. They sent out multiple people to look at it and every one of them claimed it was fine and that the smell is normal. We even, by law, have to have it inspected quarterly, and they claimed it was fine. We however don't believe it. But now a year and half later, with the warranty expired the smell has gotten so much worse. Our neighbors are complaining, I'm afraid to walk in the yard and we can't afford to have anyone come out and look at it. We explained to our neighbors that we have done everything that we know how to do and the "experts" claim that nothing is wrong with it.
So three days ago I just threw up my hands and prayed a very quick but a very heartfelt prayer. God, please heal our septic system! Then I giggled a little because I could just imagine what that sounded like! Since that moment I haven't thought much about it.
Well yesterday morning a man showed up from the Environmental Protection Agency. Apparently the neighbors complaints went straight to the top, the EPA. Were we in trouble, could we get a fine? I was nervous...we have no money to diagnose and fix this problem. The Mister went out to speak with him and about 45 minutes later, I had an answer to my prayer. There is definitely something wrong with the system (we knew that) and it has to be fixed immediately (again we knew that, just didn't know how!) We are not in trouble because we have done everything in our power to fix it and not to mention, our "experts" we pay every year to inspect it, claimed it was fine. This EPA man, sent directly from God has gotten the ball rolling! We are expecting a septic man that he recommends to come out and diagnose and fix the problem. EPA man says that this gentleman that is coming is "the best in the field!" And to make it even better, the subdivision is paying for it even though the system is out of warranty!
I was weary from the burden of our "poopy dilemma." I was always on edge, just waiting for the next complaint. So I lifted my voice to Heaven and with a giggle in my prayer I cried out to my Heavenly Father. "Heal our septic tank!" And He heard! Not only did He hear, but He sent healing! Within a few days, the smell will be gone and our septic will be as healthy as a horse!
God cares about every detail of of lives. We just need to give Him the chance to show that He cares! Why it took me 3 years to ask for this, I don't know...but I finally did...and now I can rest in His healing presence!
Have a blessed weekend and never stop lifting your voice to Heaven! :-)
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
The Perfect Day
I had a perfect day! Well....as close to perfect as you can get, I suppose. I rose from a deep and blessed sleep at 6:30 this morning. The house was still quite, the sky was still dark. I tiptoed to the bathroom...showered...dressed...and crept downstairs to spend some quite time on the porch. The air was crisp with a hint of dew on the grass...the temperature hovered at 52 degrees...and I curled up on the swing with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders, my feet tucked under my skirt and my Bible, journal and pen in my lap. I spent almost an entire hour out on the porch in sweet fellowship with my Creator. Reading, praying, worshiping and just being still in His Presence.
After my quiet time I spent the morning in my kitchen, my sanctuary, making homemade applesauce for breakfast, homemade breadsticks for dinner and awaiting the arrival of my sleepy family.
I remained in the Presence of the Most High all day!
Then tonight as I was putting my little man to bed, HE read ME a story! When I get discouraged at myself for "not teaching him enough" I need to remember that moment! Then my almost 6 year old "baby boy" lifted his voice to Heaven and prayed with me...the most raw, heartfelt and undefiled prayer! His words came straight from his heart! The kind of prayer that I want to pray! I have no greater joy then to hear my children walk in truth! 1 John 1:4
Thank you Heavenly Father for pouring Your Presence out so thick in the house, that I couldn't hide from it even if I wanted to! I can't thank You enough for the blessings that You so freely give us! Things that we don't deserve! My heart and my mind are Yours. Teach me to love like You love. Lead me where You want me to go. Teach me to follow You and know Your voice above all else. Father, I want to know Your heart. I want to cry when You cry, I want to laugh when You laugh, I want to hate what You hate and love what You love. Teach me Lord...
After my quiet time I spent the morning in my kitchen, my sanctuary, making homemade applesauce for breakfast, homemade breadsticks for dinner and awaiting the arrival of my sleepy family.
I remained in the Presence of the Most High all day!
Then tonight as I was putting my little man to bed, HE read ME a story! When I get discouraged at myself for "not teaching him enough" I need to remember that moment! Then my almost 6 year old "baby boy" lifted his voice to Heaven and prayed with me...the most raw, heartfelt and undefiled prayer! His words came straight from his heart! The kind of prayer that I want to pray! I have no greater joy then to hear my children walk in truth! 1 John 1:4
Thank you Heavenly Father for pouring Your Presence out so thick in the house, that I couldn't hide from it even if I wanted to! I can't thank You enough for the blessings that You so freely give us! Things that we don't deserve! My heart and my mind are Yours. Teach me to love like You love. Lead me where You want me to go. Teach me to follow You and know Your voice above all else. Father, I want to know Your heart. I want to cry when You cry, I want to laugh when You laugh, I want to hate what You hate and love what You love. Teach me Lord...
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Is Autumn Here?
It's been far to long since I have had a chance to blog. Summer was a whirlwind of activity...some good, so not so good. However I'm praying the speed of summer is behind us. The temperature has not caught up with the new season yet...I am tiring very quickly of high 90 degree days. But soon, very soon we should start seeing or rather feeling cooler days. Still no rain...things down here are so dry! The wildfire that we experienced down here recently really made people stop and think...and realize the real trouble we are in. Daily we are on our knees and petitioning God for an over-abundance of soaking rain.
But the physical drought is just one thing we are experiencing. I, in particular, have been in a spiritual drought. I have been praying not only for rain to refresh our land but also for His "rains" to cover me and my household. We are in a place right now that isn't so comfortable. A place that we just are not enjoying... When these trials began I turned tail and ran away. I didn't realize it until suddenly I felt so empty and so alone. And then I started making compromises in my life. And the emptiness stated getting deeper. I realized that God had never left my side...it was me that ran away but for some reason I couldn't get back into His arms. Like I was so ashamed of my attitude that I didn't deserve His love and comfort. But you know what? I DON'T deserve His love! I am a sinner so full of sin that I deserve for Him to never look on me again....But...my God is so loving and so merciful...and because of His Infinite Love for me He sent a replacement to suffer the consequences of my sin for me. What incredible boundless love that is! And by turning away from Him during the hard times, showed just how spoiled and unworthy I am of His love. But no matter what I do and where I go, there He is. There has been a tug of war going on in my spirit and I am ready for it to be over. I want to climb up in my Father's lap and revel in His love for me....The trials we face may not be fun or enjoyable...truly they are really hard but my head knows that He uses these times to grow us...I just need my heart to get that. And while I am praying for my heart to catch up I am going to lean on my Father and remember that in my weakness He is made strong.
I am weary ~ physically, spiritually, and emotionally. But I am crying out to Heaven and I know that He hears me and He is preparing for me a place of rest for my weary soul...
So soon, very soon the hot days of summer will be behind us and the cool, fresh, crisp air of Fall will be on us. This is a very real physical reminder of God's faithfulness...a good reminder to trust Him and His choices for our lives. Everything works together for the good of those that love Him.
I truly hope to be on here again very soon....Blessings to you all!
But the physical drought is just one thing we are experiencing. I, in particular, have been in a spiritual drought. I have been praying not only for rain to refresh our land but also for His "rains" to cover me and my household. We are in a place right now that isn't so comfortable. A place that we just are not enjoying... When these trials began I turned tail and ran away. I didn't realize it until suddenly I felt so empty and so alone. And then I started making compromises in my life. And the emptiness stated getting deeper. I realized that God had never left my side...it was me that ran away but for some reason I couldn't get back into His arms. Like I was so ashamed of my attitude that I didn't deserve His love and comfort. But you know what? I DON'T deserve His love! I am a sinner so full of sin that I deserve for Him to never look on me again....But...my God is so loving and so merciful...and because of His Infinite Love for me He sent a replacement to suffer the consequences of my sin for me. What incredible boundless love that is! And by turning away from Him during the hard times, showed just how spoiled and unworthy I am of His love. But no matter what I do and where I go, there He is. There has been a tug of war going on in my spirit and I am ready for it to be over. I want to climb up in my Father's lap and revel in His love for me....The trials we face may not be fun or enjoyable...truly they are really hard but my head knows that He uses these times to grow us...I just need my heart to get that. And while I am praying for my heart to catch up I am going to lean on my Father and remember that in my weakness He is made strong.
I am weary ~ physically, spiritually, and emotionally. But I am crying out to Heaven and I know that He hears me and He is preparing for me a place of rest for my weary soul...
So soon, very soon the hot days of summer will be behind us and the cool, fresh, crisp air of Fall will be on us. This is a very real physical reminder of God's faithfulness...a good reminder to trust Him and His choices for our lives. Everything works together for the good of those that love Him.
I truly hope to be on here again very soon....Blessings to you all!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
I am alive!
Good Morning! Whew...what a glorious morning it is! So here's my very condensed excuse for being gone so long ~ I really needed a break ~ So much has been changing here at my house and in my life that I really needed to focus more on my family, and less on the computer. We just got back from an awesome trip to Pennsylvania and I feel so revived and re-energized! I am ready to get down to business and be the Proverbs 31 woman that God has called me to be!
We have gone from 4 bodies living in this house to 8 bodies. That's quite a jump in numbers! It's mass chaos 'round here most of the time, and sometimes I feel like complaining...or crying...or sometimes laughing out of sheer exhaustion! But God has us here in this present situation for a particular reason, and because of this, I am trying to be very open to all of the changes that have come.
The one main problem I have had with this whole situation is the fact the our water and electricity bills have nearly doubled since bringing more people in. Okay...so we can't ask people not to shower or wash the laundry, and we certainly can't turn off the AC due to the southern heat...but I think that I have figured out some ways to conserve.
The two main ways I have come up with to conserve electricity is this ~
Hanging laundry instead of using the dryer and crockpot cooking as much as possible.
Hanging laundry is typically a no-brainer, but with so many people living here it's a little harder to get every body on board...but I think we've got it.
Crock Pot cooking ~ my original thought was to use the crock pot for a whole week...then I thought what about a whole year?! I have since rethought this and come to the conclusion that we need to be a little more realistic. So I think we shall try to use only the crock pot, grill, and steamer for a month and see how that goes. I have been searching out meals and it totally amazes me what you can make in a crock pot!
Monday we had amazing beef stew, Tuesday we had chili, and tonight we are having creamy chicken over brown rice. I have some really great ideas for next week after we hit the grocery store.:-) I will try to keep you updated on this experiment. I'm very excited to see how it all effects our electricity bill. I'll keep you posted.
I would love to hear any more ideas that you all my have to conserve electricity.
Have a very blessed day and I am so glad to be back!
We have gone from 4 bodies living in this house to 8 bodies. That's quite a jump in numbers! It's mass chaos 'round here most of the time, and sometimes I feel like complaining...or crying...or sometimes laughing out of sheer exhaustion! But God has us here in this present situation for a particular reason, and because of this, I am trying to be very open to all of the changes that have come.
The one main problem I have had with this whole situation is the fact the our water and electricity bills have nearly doubled since bringing more people in. Okay...so we can't ask people not to shower or wash the laundry, and we certainly can't turn off the AC due to the southern heat...but I think that I have figured out some ways to conserve.
The two main ways I have come up with to conserve electricity is this ~
Hanging laundry instead of using the dryer and crockpot cooking as much as possible.
Hanging laundry is typically a no-brainer, but with so many people living here it's a little harder to get every body on board...but I think we've got it.
Crock Pot cooking ~ my original thought was to use the crock pot for a whole week...then I thought what about a whole year?! I have since rethought this and come to the conclusion that we need to be a little more realistic. So I think we shall try to use only the crock pot, grill, and steamer for a month and see how that goes. I have been searching out meals and it totally amazes me what you can make in a crock pot!
Monday we had amazing beef stew, Tuesday we had chili, and tonight we are having creamy chicken over brown rice. I have some really great ideas for next week after we hit the grocery store.:-) I will try to keep you updated on this experiment. I'm very excited to see how it all effects our electricity bill. I'll keep you posted.
I would love to hear any more ideas that you all my have to conserve electricity.
Have a very blessed day and I am so glad to be back!
Friday, May 13, 2011
Exceptional Drought
Good evening my dear readers! Wow, have I been busy here! My brother has recently moved in with us for a little while and we have been getting adjusted to having more people in the house. It truly has been quite pleasant though!:-)
I don't have a ton of time but I wanted to update you on a few things. First one is...I joined Weight Watchers 2 weeks ago and so far I have lost 4.2 pounds! I'm pretty proud of myself. My husband also bought me a treadmill and I am up to power walking 2.1 miles at a time!:-) By the end of the week, I need to be ready for a 5K that I am participating in!
But big news...Down here in the South we are now categorized as suffering from an exceptional drought...aka...the worst drought! In fact a few of our surrounding counties are under a warning for elevated fire danger for the next few days! Our fire fighters are exhausted and it doesn't seem to have an end in sight! So please pray for all of us down here! It rained yesterday, and it was such a blessing, but not nearly enough!
In other news, my mom and sister are coming down here for a visit! In just 3 short weeks they will be here and I can't wait! Now I need to concentrate on getting this house in order! :-) They haven't been down to visit since we moved, so I am so excited to show off my home and community!
That's all for now...I'm gonna spend some time with my hunny on this fine Friday evening!
Blessings for this weekend, my friends!
I don't have a ton of time but I wanted to update you on a few things. First one is...I joined Weight Watchers 2 weeks ago and so far I have lost 4.2 pounds! I'm pretty proud of myself. My husband also bought me a treadmill and I am up to power walking 2.1 miles at a time!:-) By the end of the week, I need to be ready for a 5K that I am participating in!
But big news...Down here in the South we are now categorized as suffering from an exceptional drought...aka...the worst drought! In fact a few of our surrounding counties are under a warning for elevated fire danger for the next few days! Our fire fighters are exhausted and it doesn't seem to have an end in sight! So please pray for all of us down here! It rained yesterday, and it was such a blessing, but not nearly enough!
In other news, my mom and sister are coming down here for a visit! In just 3 short weeks they will be here and I can't wait! Now I need to concentrate on getting this house in order! :-) They haven't been down to visit since we moved, so I am so excited to show off my home and community!
That's all for now...I'm gonna spend some time with my hunny on this fine Friday evening!
Blessings for this weekend, my friends!
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